Blurred Lines

I remember when Christie first mentioned that Mark had asked her to work on a new book project with him. She asked me if I had any advice. I warned her that the only times I had ever worked on something with him, he was kind of flakey.

I mentioned that I always wished that I could have had a chance to edit his previously published book because it was just transcriptions and horribly redundant. We both agreed that what we had learned from Mark had never been well represented and she was excited to be working on the project.

* * *

After Mark had come into town and taught a workshop at the center, Christie confided in me that he had gone out to dinner with her and some of her friends from another center that she taught at. She told me there was another teacher at the table that she kind of had a thing for, that she had mentioned this to Mark, and that while they were there he leaned in and kissed her.

She told me that she thought he was doing it to try and make the other guy jealous. I wasn’t really sure what she was telling me. Christie did not really look to me as her teacher. She was speaking to me in confidence as a friend. I felt like what was happening between them in their private lives was not my business.

* * *

She made an off-hand comment about how she had a Skype call with Mark and he had his shirt off and was talking dirty to her. I was shocked.

I said: “it sounds like he’s preying on you……do you think he is?”

She assured me that he was not and that it was all cool.

I said: “He’s lucky you’re so cool about it” meaning that it seemed like at the very least a serious breach of professional boundaries.

Later, I discussed what she had told me with another teacher that Christie had also confided in about Mark. This other teacher was telling me that he was a predator and that we needed to intervene to stop him.

But Christie was saying that she was fine. When I asked her if Mark had pursued her initially, she said: “No, I pursued him.” And told me that she had dated other older men in college.

She, and this woman who was counseling her, had a falling out and Christie was pissed at her. I felt like it wasn't my place to suppose to know better for Christie than she.

* * *

After further conversations with this fellow teacher, I told Christie that I wanted to confront Mark. That he had crossed professional boundaries with her and I was not OK with it. She asked me to wait until she had a chance to talk to him first. She wanted to be the one to tell him that she had confided in me. We talked about what we needed to say to him. I said that we needed to “put the teachings back at him.” His behavior had made him into a hypocrite.

When she told me that she was going to Fiji to assist Mark, I asked her if she thought that was a good idea. She told me it was a paid gig and she needed the money. She was planning to finally confront him on what we talked about. But when she returned and I asked her how it went, she was evasive and unclear about what happened (understandably so.)

So then I did ultimately confront Mark. We had a heated discussion in which I told him that he had crossed professional boundaries with Christie and that it was unacceptable to me. I told him he had to end the relationship, and that the only way he could really prevent his recklessness from coming back to him later was to take responsibility for his behavior.

He was remorseful. But I still removed the Heart of Yoga logo from my website and did not speak to him for several years. As far as I knew the relationship had ended.

* * *

Out of nowhere, Christie is leaving after finishing her class and she stops and says:

“Hey, did you know Mark is coming into to town?”

“No.”

“Yeah, he’ staying with me.”

“Do you think that is a good idea?”

“It’s no big deal he has this meeting with a publisher and needed a place to crash.”

As soon as she left, I called Mark and left a WTF message on his machine. The next day he stopped by the center and I asked him straight out what was going on and he told me that there was nothing going on, that it was a purely platonic mending of the friendship. I had doubts and when I asked Christie the next day if it was true, she said: “No, he totally tried to sleep with me.” That was all she said.

I didn’t know what to think. Both he and Christie seemed to be concealing the truth from me and it was not clear to me that she was in any danger. The center and my life in Brooklyn were collapsing, and I just focused on finding a new place to live and taking care of my family.

* * *

Another year or so goes by and the #metoo movement hits the yoga world on Facebook. There is a flap around Mark and people are reaching out to me and saying women are coming forward. I call Christie and we have a conversation in which I ask her:

“Do you think Mark is a predator?”

“No. I have met predators before and Mark is no predator.”

But then we both hear from a documentary film maker who had been following Mark around and he tells us that he has seen a pattern and thinks Mark is a predator. Christie and I have another conversation where we both are questioning and thinking that maybe we were wrong about him. We were angry at him.

I braced myself for a public conversation about what was happening and reached out to a friend who is a prominent figure in the yoga world who specializes in addressing power abuses. We discussed bringing together other people’s accounts and the possibility of organizing some discussions with a third-party mediator. But it was determined that there was no real institution around Mark. There was no structure or board or any apparatus for addressing the situation in an institutional way.

Christie texted me:

“Hi! One last word. My anger has subsided…..I don’t intend to take it further and certainly not speak out in any public way.“

* * *

I ran into Mark in 2018 at the Desikachar celebration with his new partner, Rosalind. He seemed like he was in a better place in this new relationship. She was quite a bit younger than him but I remember being struck when she corrected him on an inaccurate statement he made over dinner. It seemed like the relationship was healthy. But what did I know?

When Japan reached out to me about teaching in 2019 after a long hiatus, they mentioned that Mark was going to be on the bill and I agreed thinking that I could see firsthand for myself how he was doing. I had thought that we might record a podcast and determined that I would confront him about power abuse and his relationships with women. But when the time came to record, Rosalind was with him. I didn’t expect that and it threw me.

I published the podcast anyway. Even though some part of me knew that I had fucked up. I rationalized that if Christie didn’t want to out him then it was fine if I didn’t.

* * *

Two months after the podcast posts, I get an email from Christie:

“I was surprised to see Mark on your podcast.”

“I would have hoped for better from you, but I understand. You’re not alone in wanting to believe the best about that guy, but he’s deeply, deeply afflicted when it comes to both god and sex, and has no business speaking publicly on either subject.”

I call her almost immediately and we have a conversation about how she has a new understanding about what happened to her. I apologize and tell her I did not know she felt this way. I offer for her to come on the show and use the platform to expose Mark’s behavior. She says maybe at some point but first is planning to write something. I tell her that I am prepared to take responsibility for any role I may have played and will support her in any way I can. She thanks me for my friendship.

* * *

I felt blindsided when I read her post. However, upon further reflection, I had to admit to myself that after I spoke to her, I removed a link to Marks’ book from the description because I felt weird about the show promoting it. But I didn’t remove the episode. I had no idea what she was going to write but I said that I was going to support her and leaving that talk with Mark public made my words ring hollow. Given her new understanding, I could see why she would be upset with me. Maybe I was not the friend to Christie that I had intended to be.

Regardless of the details of what happened, I believe that Mark Whitwell abused Christie Roe and his behavior was unacceptable. I think yoga teachers need to set high standards for themselves and Mark has failed to live up to his ethical obligations. He wrote that all of his relationships have been “consensual and mutual” but there was nothing mutual about Mark’s relationship with Christie. They were never standing on equal ground.